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Sunday, February 14, 2021
How Are We Spending Valentine's Day?
- Assigning far too much emotional importance to our takeout orders.
- Realizing that handmade gifts really are the most terrible.
- Theorizing about Hallmark and the Illuminati.
- Fantasizing about Steve Urkel/Stefan Urquelle.
- Removing novelty underwear with the help of an emergency room physician.
- Trying to remember the percentage of chocolate that is generally thought to contain insect parts.
- Realizing that Love, Actually is really pretty shitty towards women.
- Becoming cool with treason.
- Just like any other day, trying on bedazzled hats.
- Violating restraining orders pertaining to Dame Judi Dench.
- Pretending we want to have a girls night.
- Checking Facebook in hopes our exes are fat.
- Slowly preparing ourselves to die alone, together.
