the ocean

I know that everyone has been waiting for my take on the feud between JoJo Siwa and Candance Cameron-Bure, so here goes. First and foremost, I am entirely willing to believe that CCB is the worst person in the world, and in fact I feel like she has kind of cultivated that image with her series of Hallmark roles as women with mild personality disorders who are utterly convinced of their own amazingness. Second, I'm not really super aware of who JoJo Siwa is, but if she's feuding with CCB, I'm all for it. I did for a minute think she might be somehow related to K-Ci & JoJo, the R&B duo behind the classic hit "All My Life," but it turns out that she may not even have been born at that point. So go figure. Third, I'm not exactly sure why anyone would want to be photographed with CCB, unless it's just to prove that she exists, like Bigfoot, but the heart wants what it wants. And I can understand how having that want denied at 11 could be traumatizing, just like how my mother would let us have Mousetrap when we were kids but then bought it for my niece and nephew without them even asking, which is super unfair, although I do at least still get to play with it. Fourth, when a celebrity feud spins out to the second or third level, with people's parents and children weighing in, it's really just more pathetic than anything. (And also, CCB really needs to stop trying to make her daughter happen; forcing Hallmark to hire her to play a younger version of CCB's character was not a good look.) Finally, I'd like to make a plea for more of the same. Maybe with, like, different D-list celebrities, but still. The world has been a dark and scary place and nonsensical influencer fights give me life.