the ocean

I think HGTV really needs to do a show that is just ordinary people who have no idea what they are doing trying to make basic repairs around the house. I would, of course, agree to star for a nominal fee. They could do a whole episode of me and Ian at Home Depot trying to figure out the right kind of light bulb to go in the garage. And then another episode where we have to go back because we ended up buying the wrong kind. Not everything would have to be Beckettian absurdity, though. There could be an action packed episode centered around me accidentally drilling my finger while trying to install a new door lock. They'd have to be ready to beep out a lot of adult language, though. Or there could be a searing marital drama episode like Marriage Story (I assume, I didn't see it) that's just me and Ian arguing about wallpaper. So, so many possibilities.

Eventually they'd probably have to include other people in the concept, I guess, since we'd probably burn the house down and die in the fire before too long. But I'm pretty confident we're not the only people who are idiots about this stuff. I've seen enough half-painted walls and rickety built-ins at other people's houses to fill out a pretty compelling season of television. Better than watching the Property Brothers try to hide the fact that they're fucking, at least. Get my agent on the phone! (First get me an agent.)