the ocean

Last night we had dinner with some friends, who ended up unexpectedly hosting an afterparty for their children's homecoming dance. So we accidentally became the world's most halfhearted chaperones for this event, which was weirdly entertaining.

First of all, let me be an old man yelling at a cloud for a minute and say that all of the girls' dresses were too short. Like, not because I'm a prude but because I just don't think it's a good look. In the same boat I will put the sneakers with suits look so popular these days. I guess it's supposed to come across as rebellious or quirky, but to me it reads more orthopedic, like a corrective for scoliosis or sciatica or something. Rant concluded.

Second, the youths were not to be drinking, yet of course they attempted to do so and hide it from us poorly. On one of our many sweeps of the premises, we found a box of truly shitty hard seltzers that obviously had not been brought by any adults. So we stole and drank them, which I guarantee was harder on us than on them. Also, at one point we heard chants of "chug chug chug" coming from the basement, at which point I got to hear my friends most piously cracking down on drinking (while themselves somewhat intoxicated).

Also, we had to work very hard to prevent sexy shenanigans. The kids kept sneaking into various parts of the house (and yard!) in an attempt to make out and worse. We caught two of them in the primary bed (fully clothed, thank god) and they were not at all phased by it. We even found youths hiding out in the Lego room (I'm told it no longer functions as such now that the children are older, but that is how I will always remember it). Is nothing sacred?

Anyway, it was a fascinating affair, and I believe we prevented any teen pregnancies. I don't want to call myself a hero, but since you're not doing it, I guess I will have to.