Saturday, February 26, 2011
Oscar Predictions 2011, Part II
I don't even really remember where I left off. Did I do best visual effects yet? My money's on Rabbit Hole, for making Nicole Kidman's face look like it moves.
Turning to best supporting actor, I think it's pretty clear it's going to be Christian Bale. The only real question is how ridiculous and rambling his speech is going to be. And whether he's going to be awkwardly confronted by the real-life person he played again. It's like Claire Danes and Temple Grandin -- at first she was all warm and congratulatory towards her, but eventually she's going to get a restraining order.
Best supporting actress, I think it could be that kid from True Grit, because they always love to give Oscars to kids, because they've really earned it through all their years of hard work in the industry. And that way they can go ahead and develop crippling cocaine addictions right away.
Best adapted screenplay will be The Social Network, because they're going to rob it of everything else, and they still have a boner for Aaron Sorkin, apparently having been out of the country for the year that Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip was on television.
Best original screenplay I'm not really sure about. What's even in this category? Let's just go ahead and give it to The King's Speech.
I don't even really remember where I left off. Did I do best visual effects yet? My money's on Rabbit Hole, for making Nicole Kidman's face look like it moves.
Turning to best supporting actor, I think it's pretty clear it's going to be Christian Bale. The only real question is how ridiculous and rambling his speech is going to be. And whether he's going to be awkwardly confronted by the real-life person he played again. It's like Claire Danes and Temple Grandin -- at first she was all warm and congratulatory towards her, but eventually she's going to get a restraining order.
Best supporting actress, I think it could be that kid from True Grit, because they always love to give Oscars to kids, because they've really earned it through all their years of hard work in the industry. And that way they can go ahead and develop crippling cocaine addictions right away.
Best adapted screenplay will be The Social Network, because they're going to rob it of everything else, and they still have a boner for Aaron Sorkin, apparently having been out of the country for the year that Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip was on television.
Best original screenplay I'm not really sure about. What's even in this category? Let's just go ahead and give it to The King's Speech.
Friday, February 25, 2011
Oscar Predictions 2011
Is it weird that I'm betting on Norbit to take the whole thing? I mean, I know it came out like four years ago, but damn is that Eddie Murphy hilarious. If there's one thing Oscar loves, it's a comedy. And if there's two things Oscar loves, it's a comedy and black people. That's why Tyler Perry has won best director fifteen times.
But really, I'm thinking The King's Speech will probably win, because British accents make everything sound really classy and artistic. Look at Helena Bonham Carter. Essentially she's a crazy homeless person, but her accent makes her sound like a damned genius. It could be The Social Network, but it seems like people have moved on from it now, kind of like Myspace.
For best director, I'm hoping for David Fincher, mainly because he fulfilled the American Dream and put Gwyneth Paltrow's head in a box, but it could be that dude who directed The King's Speech, even though this is the first time most people have ever even heard of him. I don't know, flip a coin.
Best actress will be Natalie Portman, but shockingly enough, not for her work in Black Swan. It will be a lifetime achievement award for No Strings Attached, Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium, and that movie where she lived in a Wal-Mart. And she will kick Annette Bening in the crotch as she heads up to receive it.
Colin Firth will be best actor, unless he is somehow hit by a meteor between now and Sunday. Actually, even then he would still win, but they would send Amanda Bynes to pick it up on his behalf. Since she played his daughter in What a Girl Wants and all. That would lead to some hilarious pratfalls, let me tell you.
Part II tomorrow, assuming I don't forget about this entirely...
Is it weird that I'm betting on Norbit to take the whole thing? I mean, I know it came out like four years ago, but damn is that Eddie Murphy hilarious. If there's one thing Oscar loves, it's a comedy. And if there's two things Oscar loves, it's a comedy and black people. That's why Tyler Perry has won best director fifteen times.
But really, I'm thinking The King's Speech will probably win, because British accents make everything sound really classy and artistic. Look at Helena Bonham Carter. Essentially she's a crazy homeless person, but her accent makes her sound like a damned genius. It could be The Social Network, but it seems like people have moved on from it now, kind of like Myspace.
For best director, I'm hoping for David Fincher, mainly because he fulfilled the American Dream and put Gwyneth Paltrow's head in a box, but it could be that dude who directed The King's Speech, even though this is the first time most people have ever even heard of him. I don't know, flip a coin.
Best actress will be Natalie Portman, but shockingly enough, not for her work in Black Swan. It will be a lifetime achievement award for No Strings Attached, Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium, and that movie where she lived in a Wal-Mart. And she will kick Annette Bening in the crotch as she heads up to receive it.
Colin Firth will be best actor, unless he is somehow hit by a meteor between now and Sunday. Actually, even then he would still win, but they would send Amanda Bynes to pick it up on his behalf. Since she played his daughter in What a Girl Wants and all. That would lead to some hilarious pratfalls, let me tell you.
Part II tomorrow, assuming I don't forget about this entirely...
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
48 Hours Mystery
I have somehow lost the box my phone came in and it is driving me crazy. Let's actually back up a bit and establish that my phone is 1.5 years old and thus at the point where I sort of hate it and can't wait to get a new one, which obviously I won't do until my contract is up. And also for that reason it is starting to act kind of crazy and today just kind of died a couple of times for no reason at all, unless you count the fact that the phone hates me as a reason. Yes, I am convinced that this phone is a sentient being with feelings and that it despises and wishes to harm me.
Anyway, so due to my phone's sudden and spiteful illness, I decided to find back the box it came in and try out the spare battery to see if that would just fix everything. And of course that became an impossible task. I found the boxes for my last three phones before this one. I found the tax documents I couldn't find last year when I was looking all over for them. I found short stories I wrote when I was in college. But not the box I needed. Not even close.
So now I think I'm going to have to find time this week when I'm already completely swamped to go down to the Sprint store and have people ignore me and treat me like an idiot. Which, frankly, I am.
I have somehow lost the box my phone came in and it is driving me crazy. Let's actually back up a bit and establish that my phone is 1.5 years old and thus at the point where I sort of hate it and can't wait to get a new one, which obviously I won't do until my contract is up. And also for that reason it is starting to act kind of crazy and today just kind of died a couple of times for no reason at all, unless you count the fact that the phone hates me as a reason. Yes, I am convinced that this phone is a sentient being with feelings and that it despises and wishes to harm me.
Anyway, so due to my phone's sudden and spiteful illness, I decided to find back the box it came in and try out the spare battery to see if that would just fix everything. And of course that became an impossible task. I found the boxes for my last three phones before this one. I found the tax documents I couldn't find last year when I was looking all over for them. I found short stories I wrote when I was in college. But not the box I needed. Not even close.
So now I think I'm going to have to find time this week when I'm already completely swamped to go down to the Sprint store and have people ignore me and treat me like an idiot. Which, frankly, I am.
Sunday, February 20, 2011
How Are We Celebrating Presidents' Day?
-- Not realizing that it is Presidents' Day.
-- Wearing a jaunty stovepipe hat.
-- Taking the oath of office, just in case.
-- Having an enormous mattress sale!
-- Determining who counts as 3/5 of a person.
-- Declaring independence from that bitch Nancy in accounting.
-- Using an FDR biography to hold up the wobbly end of the dining room table.
-- Trying to get into the electoral college.
-- Figuring out how many people have to die before we are next in line to the presidency.
-- Throwing firecrackers at our neighbors' cars.
-- Rereading Dan Brown's The Lost Symbol as a salute to America.
-- Tearing up during The O'Reilly Factor.
-- Realizing too late that those weren't slaves we freed at Denny's.
-- Mocking up images of Mt. Rushmore that include Tyra Banks.
-- Sleeping in; watching Center Stage on Oxygen.
-- Not realizing that it is Presidents' Day.
-- Wearing a jaunty stovepipe hat.
-- Taking the oath of office, just in case.
-- Having an enormous mattress sale!
-- Determining who counts as 3/5 of a person.
-- Declaring independence from that bitch Nancy in accounting.
-- Using an FDR biography to hold up the wobbly end of the dining room table.
-- Trying to get into the electoral college.
-- Figuring out how many people have to die before we are next in line to the presidency.
-- Throwing firecrackers at our neighbors' cars.
-- Rereading Dan Brown's The Lost Symbol as a salute to America.
-- Tearing up during The O'Reilly Factor.
-- Realizing too late that those weren't slaves we freed at Denny's.
-- Mocking up images of Mt. Rushmore that include Tyra Banks.
-- Sleeping in; watching Center Stage on Oxygen.
Friday, February 18, 2011
Routine Maintenance
I went to the dentist on Thursday, which provided its usual doses of public radio and awkwardness. I had the hygienist who talks incessantly about subjects in which I have no interest this time. We started out with the weather and everyone's health, which are to be expected, but she also got into politics and the general status of my career, subjects that I frankly prefer not to discuss while someone's hands are in my mouth. She also asked me if I watched Survivor and,when I said that I did not, proceeded to talk about it anyway for about 15 minutes. Luckily, the only contribution that could reasonably have been expected from me was an occasional affirmative grunt. I am poetic with my nonverbals.
I also had a haircut yesterday. My stylist let me wait for fifteen minutes in the reception area, where there were NO MAGAZINES, and then had someone else shampoo me while he deeply contemplated his cuticles. I was therefore really crabby and uncommunicative for the first five minutes or so before the realization kicked in that this person had a big pair of scissors and was looking to use it on my head. Plus I knew that if I didn't start talking he would just keep making unprovoked dirty puns. I think I'm going to switch to that hilarious and heartbreaking salon depicted in the classic film Steel Magnolias.
I went to the dentist on Thursday, which provided its usual doses of public radio and awkwardness. I had the hygienist who talks incessantly about subjects in which I have no interest this time. We started out with the weather and everyone's health, which are to be expected, but she also got into politics and the general status of my career, subjects that I frankly prefer not to discuss while someone's hands are in my mouth. She also asked me if I watched Survivor and,when I said that I did not, proceeded to talk about it anyway for about 15 minutes. Luckily, the only contribution that could reasonably have been expected from me was an occasional affirmative grunt. I am poetic with my nonverbals.
I also had a haircut yesterday. My stylist let me wait for fifteen minutes in the reception area, where there were NO MAGAZINES, and then had someone else shampoo me while he deeply contemplated his cuticles. I was therefore really crabby and uncommunicative for the first five minutes or so before the realization kicked in that this person had a big pair of scissors and was looking to use it on my head. Plus I knew that if I didn't start talking he would just keep making unprovoked dirty puns. I think I'm going to switch to that hilarious and heartbreaking salon depicted in the classic film Steel Magnolias.
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Work Week
It has been quite a week already. On Monday, I had a videoconference at 7 AM and one at 7 PM. The fun thing about videoconferences is that you can't take them from anywhere but the office. Also, sometimes people's lips don't match up very well with their voices. Laughs.
On Tuesday morning, I was instructed to read a 800 page document for a meeting at 2 PM. Sadly, I can't read 200 pages an hour, yet. But the minute I can, you better believe I'm making short work of the complete works of Thomas Pynchon.
Today I got several boxes of documents to go with my 800 page document. I think maybe I'll build a fort.
It has been quite a week already. On Monday, I had a videoconference at 7 AM and one at 7 PM. The fun thing about videoconferences is that you can't take them from anywhere but the office. Also, sometimes people's lips don't match up very well with their voices. Laughs.
On Tuesday morning, I was instructed to read a 800 page document for a meeting at 2 PM. Sadly, I can't read 200 pages an hour, yet. But the minute I can, you better believe I'm making short work of the complete works of Thomas Pynchon.
Today I got several boxes of documents to go with my 800 page document. I think maybe I'll build a fort.
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Musical Chairs
I never really watch the Grammys, mainly because I don't enjoy feeling bored and sad at the same time, but I made an exception this year, mainly because there were no good Lifetime movies on and it was too early to go to bed. I'm kind of glad I did, mainly because it reinforced all of my preconceived notions about the sorry state of the music business.
First there was the three-hour tribute to Aretha Franklin, who last time I checked was not actually dead yet. True to Grammys form, they had country superstar Martina McBride pay tribute to the Queen of Soul, which was sort of like having Hayden Panettierre pay tribute to Meryl Streep or Sue Grafton honor James Joyce. And they actually managed to go one song past the number of Aretha Franklin songs that I'm in any way aware of. Learning times, learning times.
Lady Gaga was fine and I was delighted that she made her entrance in some sort of spacey-looking pod, although at this point the shocking thing would have been if she had just strolled in in some sensible shoes and started strumming an acoustic guitar. After the meat dress it's hard to know what she could do to really surprise people, short of setting fire to Mariah Carey, which I highly recommend.
Justin Bieber and Usher were highly creepy. The way the presenter introduced them made it sound like they were dating, and the strange chemistry between them didn't help. I just don't think that America is ready for televised musical interracial pedophilia.
The worst part of the evening hands down was when (1) Katy Perry sang a ballad and (2) they showed clips of her wedding to Russell Brand while she was singing. If that isn't outlawed by the Geneva Convention, I must abandon all faith in international law.
I sort of dug the Cee-Lo bit because it reminded me of how I used to get a contact high from watching H.R. Puffnstuff, but then one of the puppets turned into Gwyneth Paltrow and it was all over for me. The first time she sang it was cute. By the fourth time she's just a skinny bitch with pink feathered earrings and Cate Blanchett's Oscar.
I never really watch the Grammys, mainly because I don't enjoy feeling bored and sad at the same time, but I made an exception this year, mainly because there were no good Lifetime movies on and it was too early to go to bed. I'm kind of glad I did, mainly because it reinforced all of my preconceived notions about the sorry state of the music business.
First there was the three-hour tribute to Aretha Franklin, who last time I checked was not actually dead yet. True to Grammys form, they had country superstar Martina McBride pay tribute to the Queen of Soul, which was sort of like having Hayden Panettierre pay tribute to Meryl Streep or Sue Grafton honor James Joyce. And they actually managed to go one song past the number of Aretha Franklin songs that I'm in any way aware of. Learning times, learning times.
Lady Gaga was fine and I was delighted that she made her entrance in some sort of spacey-looking pod, although at this point the shocking thing would have been if she had just strolled in in some sensible shoes and started strumming an acoustic guitar. After the meat dress it's hard to know what she could do to really surprise people, short of setting fire to Mariah Carey, which I highly recommend.
Justin Bieber and Usher were highly creepy. The way the presenter introduced them made it sound like they were dating, and the strange chemistry between them didn't help. I just don't think that America is ready for televised musical interracial pedophilia.
The worst part of the evening hands down was when (1) Katy Perry sang a ballad and (2) they showed clips of her wedding to Russell Brand while she was singing. If that isn't outlawed by the Geneva Convention, I must abandon all faith in international law.
I sort of dug the Cee-Lo bit because it reminded me of how I used to get a contact high from watching H.R. Puffnstuff, but then one of the puppets turned into Gwyneth Paltrow and it was all over for me. The first time she sang it was cute. By the fourth time she's just a skinny bitch with pink feathered earrings and Cate Blanchett's Oscar.
Friday, February 11, 2011
I Am Classy
I saw As You Like It at the Shakespeare Theatre the other day. I really enjoyed it, although not as much as some other things I've seen there. As You Like It just isn't my favorite Shakespeare play, although it has the advantage of not being Measure for Measure or the vast majority of the history plays. It has too many songs, which always seem awkward, and a definite surplus of random characters who don't really seem to belong there. In fact, the last time I saw As You Like It, I totally hated it, because it was a student production that ran about four and a half hours and had a cute directorial concept that involved bubble wrap everywhere. I'm not an opponent of clever staging; I just don't really think packaging materials should ever enter into the picture.
Anyway, this version was quite fine. The case was excellent as always, although I felt the Jacques gayed it up a bit more than was strictly Elizabethan. Speaking of which, they set it in the Victorian era, which I suppose is preferable to setting it the future or on a pirate ship or something. It did allow for some nice looking costumes, a special benefit of which is that any unplanned pregnancy among the cast could be easily concealed. I also liked the set, which was very green and leafy, and also involved a giant swing. I really think they should let people ride it afterwards for a small donation.
I saw As You Like It at the Shakespeare Theatre the other day. I really enjoyed it, although not as much as some other things I've seen there. As You Like It just isn't my favorite Shakespeare play, although it has the advantage of not being Measure for Measure or the vast majority of the history plays. It has too many songs, which always seem awkward, and a definite surplus of random characters who don't really seem to belong there. In fact, the last time I saw As You Like It, I totally hated it, because it was a student production that ran about four and a half hours and had a cute directorial concept that involved bubble wrap everywhere. I'm not an opponent of clever staging; I just don't really think packaging materials should ever enter into the picture.
Anyway, this version was quite fine. The case was excellent as always, although I felt the Jacques gayed it up a bit more than was strictly Elizabethan. Speaking of which, they set it in the Victorian era, which I suppose is preferable to setting it the future or on a pirate ship or something. It did allow for some nice looking costumes, a special benefit of which is that any unplanned pregnancy among the cast could be easily concealed. I also liked the set, which was very green and leafy, and also involved a giant swing. I really think they should let people ride it afterwards for a small donation.
Tuesday, February 08, 2011
At the Movies
I also saw The Kids Are All Right this weekend. I had resisted it this summer because it seemed just a bit too quirky and cute for my tastes (sort of like Jenna Elfman), but the year having ended without a great preponderance of movies I thought I wanted to see, I reconsidered. It turns out I was right the first time. The basic problem was that I sort of despised all of the characters, right down the the children themselves. (But excepting, of course, the character played by former Top Model contestant YaYa DeCosta.) There was a lot of fighting and sniping involved, which doesn't exactly endear. And lots of completely unnecessary graphic sex, which sort of threw me. Is there some rule that Julianne Moore has to take her clothes off in any movie she's in?
I do support Annette Bening for the Oscar, however, mainly because anyone who has lost twice to Hilary Swank deserves some sort of cosmic compensation. And being married to Warren Beatty doesn't really cut it. Plus, front runner Natalie Portman really just sort of trembled and cried for the first hour and a half before screaming her way through the last half hour. I mean, I think she's a nice gal and all and I root for her the way America once rooted for Brooke Shields in Grease, but I just don't think she deserves the hardware. Unless those were her real toenails splitting in half in that movie. That shows some real conviction.
I also saw The Kids Are All Right this weekend. I had resisted it this summer because it seemed just a bit too quirky and cute for my tastes (sort of like Jenna Elfman), but the year having ended without a great preponderance of movies I thought I wanted to see, I reconsidered. It turns out I was right the first time. The basic problem was that I sort of despised all of the characters, right down the the children themselves. (But excepting, of course, the character played by former Top Model contestant YaYa DeCosta.) There was a lot of fighting and sniping involved, which doesn't exactly endear. And lots of completely unnecessary graphic sex, which sort of threw me. Is there some rule that Julianne Moore has to take her clothes off in any movie she's in?
I do support Annette Bening for the Oscar, however, mainly because anyone who has lost twice to Hilary Swank deserves some sort of cosmic compensation. And being married to Warren Beatty doesn't really cut it. Plus, front runner Natalie Portman really just sort of trembled and cried for the first hour and a half before screaming her way through the last half hour. I mean, I think she's a nice gal and all and I root for her the way America once rooted for Brooke Shields in Grease, but I just don't think she deserves the hardware. Unless those were her real toenails splitting in half in that movie. That shows some real conviction.
Sunday, February 06, 2011
Bowled Over
Did you know that the Super Bowl was today? Apparently this is a sporting event of some interest. I am not 100% sure that I even fully understand the rules of football, but I am a fan of eating dishes based on complex carbohydrates and drinking before it's even dark out, so I am generally in favor of the Super Bowl. This year I took in only the first half of the big event, though, because I had a lot of work to do, and I understand that bringing a laptop to your friends' viewing party is generally frowned on.
I did get to see the halftime show, which was amazing for a variety of reasons. First, Former Roommate Liz was apparently unaware that Fergie had once peed herself on stage during a concert, and I got to tell her about it and even enjoy her googling it. Second, Usher didn't even really try to appear credible when lip syncing. Third, Slash came out of a hole in the stage for his guitar solo and made it look as though he'd been living in that hole for days. Finally, that was when the pizza got there, and it was delicious.
My understanding is that the Packers won, and I for one think it's great. They are both my dad's team and my dog's team and they also have the benefit of not supporting sexual assault. Now on to more important things, like this Disney Channel promo with a child rapping about Black History Month.
Did you know that the Super Bowl was today? Apparently this is a sporting event of some interest. I am not 100% sure that I even fully understand the rules of football, but I am a fan of eating dishes based on complex carbohydrates and drinking before it's even dark out, so I am generally in favor of the Super Bowl. This year I took in only the first half of the big event, though, because I had a lot of work to do, and I understand that bringing a laptop to your friends' viewing party is generally frowned on.
I did get to see the halftime show, which was amazing for a variety of reasons. First, Former Roommate Liz was apparently unaware that Fergie had once peed herself on stage during a concert, and I got to tell her about it and even enjoy her googling it. Second, Usher didn't even really try to appear credible when lip syncing. Third, Slash came out of a hole in the stage for his guitar solo and made it look as though he'd been living in that hole for days. Finally, that was when the pizza got there, and it was delicious.
My understanding is that the Packers won, and I for one think it's great. They are both my dad's team and my dog's team and they also have the benefit of not supporting sexual assault. Now on to more important things, like this Disney Channel promo with a child rapping about Black History Month.
Wednesday, February 02, 2011
Obligatory Blizzard-Related Post
I have to admit that I'm not exactly fascinated by severe weather, but I am fascinated by how everyone else seems to be fascinated by it. I have seen more Facebook posts about this blizzard than about Sarah Palin and that $20 Amazon gift card for $10 put together. And so many photographs of snow piles! It makes me feel like I'm Facebook friends with Ansel Adams.
My office was closed today, which meant that I got to work from home and in sweatpants, much to my delight. Less delightful was the need to shovel out about two feet of snow to remove the ski jump covering the entirety of my front steps. And then there is the prospect of being largely housebound for the next few days since my car is firmly embedded in a snowdrift and my alley remains wholly unplowed. Sigh.
I did see on the news that some people were trapped on a bus with strangers for several hours last night, which sounds like my idea of hell. I mean, hopefully you would at least have a book, but there's no avoiding the fact that people would try to make small talk. And then at some point the power would probably go out and people would want to huddle together for warmth. Spring can't come soon enough...
I have to admit that I'm not exactly fascinated by severe weather, but I am fascinated by how everyone else seems to be fascinated by it. I have seen more Facebook posts about this blizzard than about Sarah Palin and that $20 Amazon gift card for $10 put together. And so many photographs of snow piles! It makes me feel like I'm Facebook friends with Ansel Adams.
My office was closed today, which meant that I got to work from home and in sweatpants, much to my delight. Less delightful was the need to shovel out about two feet of snow to remove the ski jump covering the entirety of my front steps. And then there is the prospect of being largely housebound for the next few days since my car is firmly embedded in a snowdrift and my alley remains wholly unplowed. Sigh.
I did see on the news that some people were trapped on a bus with strangers for several hours last night, which sounds like my idea of hell. I mean, hopefully you would at least have a book, but there's no avoiding the fact that people would try to make small talk. And then at some point the power would probably go out and people would want to huddle together for warmth. Spring can't come soon enough...
